She'll say I'm not so tough just because I am up hearing Uptown Girl....

On 103.3 on the Oldies station, at about 4:30 AM on March 24, 2007, Billy Joel's "Uptown Girl" was playing. On 105.7, the station that plays "Songs you grew up with", Billy Joel's "Uptown Girl" was playing, at about 4:30 AM. I first thought it was some sort of Outer Limits, Twilight Zone, Frequency with Dennis Quaid and James Cavazaviel... you know who I mean...thing happening.

But no, it was just sucky music that gets played too much and another an affirmation that at 4:30 in the morning, if you are up because of insomnia, you should avoid the radio because 2 stations within 2.5 clicks of each other are playing "Uptown Girl" by Billy Joel and none is playing "Uptown" by Prince, a song I grew up with. "Uptown" is 110 times better because he gets laid.

Three pop culture thoughts.

Do you think Fred Durst has a lot of spare time?

Do you think that, at some level, Tom Cruise realizes that almost all of the movies he has been in are not worth seeing?

Do you think that Queen Latifah, who has managed to turn sass and a little talent into a movie career, knows that I liked her in "Last Holiday."

You have got to be kidding me...

I am reading a novel based on the Star Wars movies. I sometimes cannot sleep, and I turn to really, really poorly written novels to make me nod off. The Star Wars novel I am reading at the moment has a disclaimer: "All characters are fictional and any resemblance to real persons, events, places is entirely coincidental...blah blah blah."

Now, come on, am I the only one who thinks that, in such cases, it is not necessary to include such a disclaimer? If you DID see any parallels between the characters and real people, places, etc., you probably don't realize that you are reading a novel, probably have every episode of Xena, Warrior Princess on VHS, and have not left your apartment in months.

Why do they play this stuff?

For no particular reason and in no particular order, here are the singers and bands that really have worn out their radio welcome:

U2*
Crosby Stills and Nash
Elton John
Billy Joel
The Eagles.
Whenever these come on the radio, I change the station. If you have insomnia, like I often do, turn on the radio. You will here these somewhere, I guarantee.



*Except for Sunday, Bloody Sunday

I've been busy.

Sorry for the hiatus. I have been busy. But today I did something unusual- I bought a large fry at Burger King. I never buy a set of fries, let alone a large fry, but I did today. Reminds me of a story. I was going to pick up Good Time Charlie, the captain of the Tuna Helper. We were going to see a show. The following is the verbatim transcript of the cell phone conversation we had as I drove over to pick him up:

PAL: Sorry I'm late. I'm on the road. I'll be there in 20 minutes.

GTC: It's OK. I was just finishing supper.

PAL: I feel like a lesbian. I am driving a Volvo and listening to Sinead O'Connor.

GTC: You might be a lesbian.

PAL: Know what I had for supper?

GTC: Something awful, I'll bet.

PAL: Steamed beets and carrots.

GTC: I had the same thing, and by the same thing, I mean Fluffernutter and lemonade.

PAL: I'll call when I'm downstairs.

I am redeemed by the fact that I had 4 whiskeys and smoked a cigarillo during the course of the evening, thus purging any lesbianicity.

I've been busy.

Sorry for the hiatus. I have been busy. But today I did something unusual- I bought a large fry at Burger King. I never by a set of fries, let alone a large fry, but I did today. Reminds me of a story. I was going to pick up Good Time Charlie, the captain of the Tuna Helper. We were going to see a show. The following is the verbatim transcript of the cell phone conversation we had as I drove over to pick him up:

PAL: Sorry I'm late. I'm on the road. I'll be there in 20 minutes.

GTC: It's OK. I was just finishing supper.

PAL: I feel like a lesbian. I am driving a Volvo and listening to Sinead O'Connor.

GTC: You might be a lesbian.

PAL: Know what I had for supper?

GTC: Something awful, I'll bet.

PAL: Steamed beets and carrots.

GTC: I had the same thing, and by the same thing, I mean Fluffernutter and lemonade.

PAL: I'll call when I'm downstairs.

The only redeeming thing here is that I had 4 whiskeys and smoked a cigarillo during the course of the evening, thus purging any lesbianicity.

Pissant is pissed off.

As my faithful reader is aware, I am being sued by an even more pissanty lawyer than me. I am trying to focus on the case itself and not be distracted by the playground tactics this prick is using to assert his understandable but, I believe, ultimately losing claim. I have asked him several times to remove me as a defendant, but he refuses.

Hmmm, wouldn't it be unpleasant to have litigation related documents served on you on the Friday before a long weekend......But wouldn't it be worse to have the deadline for answering on the day following a long weekend........Hmmmmm.....

As a "contract attorney", i.e., a temp, I reviewed documents for a bank being investigated by the SEC. In their presentation materials, they touted their experts' skill, know how and financial acumen as reasons to give them your business. In their annual reports, they cited market conditions, global anything and terror everything as reasons for their funds' poor performance.
The broad economic downturn hit us all, they said, and there was no way to avoid it.

I wondered, if they were so smart, why didn't they prepare for, plan for and get ready for it all? When returns were good, it was their skill. When returns were bad, it was because of the market, and "Everyone took a hit."

At least in my profession, or my little corner of it, there is no all powerful force that I can blame my failure on.

I remember the 90s...

Too legit... Too legit to quit (three times)Sweat running all over my chest (chest) i don't quit no!I just press harder (Yea!) than i ever did before going forThe dreams that i have in store in my mind (mind) and i knowThat i'm makin it i gotta get mine and nobody's takin it away(No!) cause hammer don't play that you try to get mineboy you better step back freeze (freeze) causeYou don't want none i hustle for my muscle and you lookWeak son (real weak) yea!... i'm goin for all that i can getKickin at the top cause i'm too legit to quit...sing!...ChorusToo legit... Too legit to quit (hey...hey...) Too legit...toolegit... Too legit to quit...(hey...) Too legit... Too legit to quit(too legit...) too legit... too legit to quit...when i feel high post don't you play me close a dig 'em smacka get you back and i'll hit with a dose of oaktown powerand charge you by the hour i'm shakin like a quake and funksget devoured i choose to abuse, misuse and confusecompetitors who think they're makin up all the rules, foolsin the game lame and insane it's a shame i gotta do this buti remain the same unchanged gettin better never knownas a sweater kickin it at the top cause i got myself togetherso roll with a guy who's physical and fit knows the timeand too legit to quit...sang!Repeat chorus x2step to the rhythm of a sho-nuff winner (winner) i beenhere before (yo!) i ain't no beginner (word) but i been newtried and true survival of the fittest yo!..it brought me throughmy crew (talk) we're ready to strike trained for the missionso believe the hype and sweat it (sweat it) cause you're gonnaregret it the day that you dissed us you'll wish you never met usyou remind me of a real short story one hit record and youstar to bore me get ready cause this is it your crew isthrough and we too legit to quit...sang!...chorusToo legit... Too legit to quit...Too legit... Too legit to quitToo legit... Too legit to quit...Too legit... Too legit to quitget buck...get buck...get buck...get buck...get buck...(many times)my people we don't know defeat we crush the strong andpercolate the weak daily (everyday) we make our moves toimprove our groove because we love to rule where welay yo!..(Yo!) work and play we started at the bottom andnow we're leading the way and yea!..(yea!) i'm havin a fit kickin itat the top because i'm too legit to quit...sang!...chorushey...hey...hey...hey... too legit to quit.. too legit to quit..we're rolling on...we're rolling on...we're rolling on...we're rolling on...he's on top...he's on top...he's on top...he's on top...goin to burn it up...goin to burn it up...goin to burn it up...goin to burn it up...too legit to quit...too legit to quitwe're rollin on..hey..hey..hey...too legit.chorus to fade

Nickeled and Dimed,

When you are on your own, you pay for it. My monthly health insurance premium just went up to more than $900.00. When I lose my COBRA coverage next month, my own plan will be more than $1000 a month. I have a $100.00 co-pay for Imitrex, a migraine medication. I can treat my migraines with pain medication at roughly $.75 a pill, or I can take an Imitrex injection at $50.00 a shot. What would you do?

In addition to my family's health insurance, I maintain life insurance, homeowner's insurance, automobile insurance, professional liability insurance, long term disability insurance, and I probably have an insurance policy that covers the fact that I have so much insurance.

Now, here is where it really hurts- the life insurance people charge me extra because I occasionally go hiking and do karate. (Kahhh-Rahhh-Tayyy). I do these things to stay healthy. And so I pay extra because I am healthy enough to do these things. If I were substantially less fit and lazy, I would not do these things, and I would pay less for life insurance. Statistically, I am less likely to die on a day hike than a sedentary, cardiovascularly challenged individual is to die from a heart attack on any given day, but because his behaviour is normal, while I am an outlier, he pays less, and I pay more. So why is the couch potato rewarded economically for being a couch potato?